"Bench it Like ...Beckham?"

We, meaning 'we the people of the United States of America,' are often accused of lacking substance. We are 'results oriented.' We lack patience. We are said to like 'high scoring' sports results.

Why?

An NBA team has to score 100 for a game to be viewed as exciting or good? Ice Hockey suffers in the ratings because of lack of scoring? C'mon now, give us some credit. American Football (NFL) owns the landscape because of the action packed thrill of human competition, yet a viewer with Direct TV's NFL Sunday Ticket might find himself staring at 8 TV screens of commercials during that constant action.

So, it brings us to Football. Regular football, that we the people refer to as Soccer.

David Beckham was thrust upon us as the 'answer to US socccer.' He would be the $250 million dollar man that would grab all the headlines and teach Americans all there is to know about the nuances of the game.

Problem #1. His $250 million dollar contract was 'a bit' inflated. (The 'a bit' needs to be translated in the Monty Python accent of Michael Palin). The contract, upon further Wall Street like review was worth $1.95.

Problem #2. Beckham's debut was a bit delayed. The MLS season started and the star was nowhere to be found. We were told he was playing in Spain and that it was all good. But, it seems he was spraining his ankle and getting an injection the size of Roger Waters' 'pin prick' to The Wall.

"Just a little pin prick?"

Problem #3. When Beckham and his posh spice of a wife finally made it to LA for the big game, the TV lenses focused on a perfectly attired soccer star parked on the sideline in his adidas practice warm-ups. At some point late in the game, he was summoned to run up and down the sideline to prove that he might enter the game. The suspense was just killing us.

What did the American sports fan do at that point in time?

"Click"

Next stop?

Canada? Dream on MLS.

In a statement issued on Tuesday, Toronto FC said that "ticket buyers should be aware that the standard policy for sports and entertainment events as it pertains to scheduled appearances remains in effect.

"Consistent with all sporting events, we are not in a position to guarantee that any player will appear in a match. Those decisions are determined by the coaching staff with advice from their advisors. As with any other player under contract with either club participating in the game, should Mr. Beckham be unable to play in the game no refunds will be issued for tickets purchased."