Mayor Mumbles Menino’s final debate, and he hit the ball out of the park, just like Ted Williams’ last at-bat in Fenway in 1960.
Let’s go straight to the audio cuts from the last mayoral debate the other night. If you doubt my stenography, please play the associated audio for yourself.
My own personal favorite came when Mumbles was bragging to the TV audience about how well he manages the city of Boston. Even outside groups (or somebody) agree:
“They say Boston, you know how to manage your finances. We’ve done a good job of it with diminishing returns.”
Now that’s worthy of Norm Crosby, or at least the Bowery Boys. Moving along, let’s talk about the lack of people of color in your administration, Mayor.
“You know I just lost one of my administrations to the Obama administration.”
Next topic, development policy in the city. Any thoughts, Mumbles? “We have a zoning plan on the uh outer bounds of uh the Greenway to put some plans together in the kether.”
You can’t make this stuff up folks. No, I just keep playing back the tapes, again and again, so that you don’t have to.
“Matter-a fact the city was in Boston just today.”
Education. You’ve already heard the cut where Mumbles says that on the public schools, he gives himself a grade of “maybe a B+, no a B. I give myself a B, I’ll be generous.”
But wait, there’s more.
“We have schools who need improvement.” Not schools THAT need improvement, but schools WHO need improvement.
Fortunately, Mumbles’ programs are already in place, and they have outside backing.
“Some of the found-ocean folks who support that program...”
Perhaps you hadn’t heard that the Atlantic Ocean had been lost. But now it’s found, by the found-ocean folks.
“I just want to say that uh we as a city continue - also, SATs - we have three programs in the city of Boston - SATs that work at our library in the city of Boston... We’re gonna improve the underperforming schools in our city to raise the level those schools are not performing.”
Did you know that ex-cons have problems getting certain jobs because employers have access to their CORI records? You probably didn’t consider that a problem. But Mumbles says it is, and he’s going to do something about it.
“You know CORI reform? I’ve signed, I’se formed, uh, I filed legislation on CORI reform...I believe we’ll get some CORI reform this year in the Legislature. It’s oooooong overdue.”
Not long overdue. It’s oooooong overdue. Go ahead, fact-check me on these sound cuts. I double-dare you. What about the charges of corruption at City Hall, Mumbles? Flats Flaherty mentioned the toxic words “pay-to-play.”
“We’ve had at any corruption issues over the last several years that become to my administration.”
And finally, the Boston Redevelopment Authority.
“BRA was both the only agency both in state and federal who stepped up to plate to help Chicago - uh Cambridge Biomedical.”
Next stop, election night, Nov. 3. Mumbles and his minions, together in the kether, for a victory celebration. A victory celebration that is oooooooong overdue.